Mafia Gazette Issue 23
May 19, 2013 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) 19th May 2013 Editor In Chief: Carmela_DeAngelis 'MAN FLU EPIDEMIC PREDICTED ' MarioGianco, a member of the Los Angeles Misfits is today resting in hospital after being treated for Man Flu. Doctors have reported his condition as "stable" and have put the local emergency rooms on alert following his diagnosis. Mr Gianco presented himself at the local Emergency Room this morning with a slight case of the sniffles and was swiftly rushed into isolation. Nurses rolled their eyes as doctors feverishly worked to provide Mr Gianco with tissues and sympathy, and they eventually got his symptoms under control early this afternoon. His treatment is said to be continuing as any relaxing of the regime of tea and sympathy could see him relapse into a more dangerous stage of the condition. Doctors have stated that it is critical to maintain the regime lest Mr Gianco start to suffer from a sore throat, or, more dangerously, the sneezes. The public have been warned not to congregate in large numbers while the germs are still rife in the community. Obviously this advice does not concern the women among us, as the Man Flu germ produces only mild symptoms in females, however they should avoid any men suffering from the disease as it could lead to exasperation and a severe lack of sympathy. 'LUNATIC ESCAPES ASYLUM ' Police are today on high alert and hunting for an escaped mental patient who is at large in our community. The 24-year old lunatic escaped from the asylum yesterday after a riot elsewhere in the prison for the mentally incapable drew attention away from the inmate allowing him to escape through ducting and onto the roof. The Warden believes that the inmate made good his escape by hiding in a vehicle leaving the compound. The man, named as Jack Napier was arrested last month during a heist following a tip-off from one of his associates. A third man managed to escape the police and is currently at large. The money taken in the raid has not yet been recovered. Psychiatrists state that Mr Napier lost his mind when he was arrested and may not know the circumstances leading to his arrest and incarceration, and may be incredibly dangerous if confronted. Napier is described as being of average height with a receding hairline, and possibly wearing prison issue clothing. If anyone sees this man, please contact your local police immediately. Do not attempt to apprehend this man as he has proved to be very prone to fits of violence. 'NEW CAFE OPENS FOR BUSINESS ' A new cafe has opened on irc Avenue for the community to mingle and chat in. Opened by BlackAliss, Administrator of our community, it has become popular already with a few regular customers. The new cafe, named cryptically #dotorg, has drawn people from all factions in this thing of ours to mingle and chat. The owner hopes that this new, neutral place to congregate may help forge new alliances and new friendships. The atmosphere seemed convivial when our reporter visited the premises, with much laughing and joking between the patrons visiting at the time. We hope that this will become a more popular place for people to congregate, and with BlackAliss making frequent visits, perhaps a place where we can get to know our main Administrator better. 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Classified adverts are free. Please mail your advert to Carmela_DeAngelis at the Gazette offices in Chicago. Browse • • • • • • •